Chapter 1

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. --Hebrews 10:23

The first time I saw Ben, I wanted him to fall in love with me. The weakness was so strong I almost vomited, and my temples wanted to burst beneath the pressure of my fingers when I held my head in my hands.

Phoebe and I were on the way to our Bible circle. It was a real trek across the lawn to the building, so I stopped by one of the old willow trees and adjusted my shoe. That's when I saw Ben; he stood across the plaza and in front of the wizened chapel next to two tall women, whose patrician faces were whipped by the biting wind and hair as strong as flags. I felt a sharp stab of jealousy for a man I did not know and about women I could only aspire to emulate. Though Phoebe waited for me near James Hall, I took my time with my shoe, massaging my bare, aching feet. Phoebe's hand stroked her collarbone to smooth her thumb over a pearl necklace and the other hand kept her skirt firmly by her knees. It was this care for her skirt that made me understand that she was impatient, but I did not care. I had to look at Ben, and the more I looked at him, the less I could remember his actual appearance. It was the gentleness that I saw, the way he left his hands by his sides and was content to listen. How he laughed.

Then I joined Phoebe, who rocked her Bible against her chest. The scene by the chapel caught her interest, too. But her eyes were for the women who stood near him, who now kissed Ben lightly on the cheek before leaving for the parking lot.

Have you heard of them? Phoebe whispered.

I stood closer to her. No, I said.

Her eyes were bright. She seemed star struck, blushing as she watched the women slip behind the chapel. Then she glanced at her watch.

Who are they? I asked.

Phoebe wasn't done craning her neck to catch the last of their clacking heels.

If we don't leave now, we'll get demerits, I said.

I tapped her shoulder and she shivered, straightening up. The women were now out of sight, and the sharp pressure in my chest eased. Phoebe smoothed her hands over her hair one last time, and together we went to James Hall.